//Adapted by Will Ross //Original available at http://www.dynamicdrive.com/dynamicindex5/pop3.zip var FiltersEnabled = 1 // if you're not going to use transitions or filters in any of the tips set this to 0 Text[0]=["Me Email","Click here to send me an email "] Text[1]=["Activating Event","In your own words, briefly summarize the events that you are upset about.
For example: "My boss criticized me in front of my colleagues.""] Text[2]=["Unhealthy Negative Emotions","

Describe how you feel (or felt) about the situation.

Unhealthy negative emotions include the following:

Depression
Rage
Anxiety
Shame
Embarrassment
Hurt
Guilt
Jealousy

"] Text[3]=["Self-Defeating Behavior","

Describe your self-defeating behavior.

Self-defeating behavior includes the following:

Withdrawal or avoiding social contact
Procrastination
Violence
Drug and/or alcohol abuse
Unassertiveness
Exercise or work avoidance
Overeating
Etc.

"] Text[4]=["The 3 Major Irrational Beliefs","

We all express ourselves differently. But the three major irrational beliefs that upset us are usually variations of the following:

I absolutely must perform well and/or win the love or approval of significant others or else I am an inadequate worthless person.
You and other people must under all conditions and at all times be nice to me and treat me fairly or else you are a rotten, horrible person!
Because I would prefer to experience pleasure rather than pain, conditions under which I live must be comfortable, safe and advantageous or else the world is a rotten place, I can't stand it, and life is horrible and hardly worth living.

"] Text[5]=["Demands","

Look for your dogmatic demands.

For example, "I must not be criticized."

Words to look for include the following:

Must
Should
Need
Ought
Got to
Have to

"] Text[6]=["Awfulizing","

Look for your awfulizing beliefs.

For example, "It's awful to be criticized."

Words to look for include the following:

Awful
Terrible
Horrible
End of the world
The worst that could happen

"] Text[7]=["Low Frustration Tolerance","

Look for beliefs that point to low frustration tolerance.

For example, "I can't stand being criticized."

Words to look for include the following:

I can't stand it
I can't bear it
This is killing me
This is intolerable

"] Text[8]=["People Rating","

Look for beliefs that show you are rating people (yourself or others) instead of merely rating actions.

For example, "Being criticized by my boss shows that I'm worthless." "My boss is worthless."

When you call yourself or others names, it's often an indication that you are rating people:

I'm a bitch.
He's a bastard.
I'm stupid
I'm a lousy parent
She's a waste of space

The above are examples of negative ratings. Positive ratings can also cause you trouble.

For example, "I deserve to be treated better than that." "I'm too good for this place."

"] Text[9]=["Overgeneralizing","

Look for beliefs that show you are overgeneralizing.

For example, "My boss always criticizes me." "I'll never be respected."

Words to look for include the following:

Always
Never
Only
Everyone
Nobody
All
None

"] Text[10]=["Dispute","

Ask yourself questions that challenge and dispute your irrational beliefs.

Tip: Make sure that each disputing question refers to the irrational belief directly above it.

Examples of disputing questions include the following:

Why must I ...?
Where's the evidence that ... ?
How is it awful?
How does a bad act make me a bad person?
Where is it written that others must ... ?
Just because I prefer X, does that mean that I must have X?

"] Text[11]=["Rational Answers","

Identify your rational beliefs by answering the questions that you asked in Step 4. Make sure that each rational answer refers to the disputing question directly above it.

Examples of rational answers include the following:

There is no reason why I must.
There is no evidence.
It's a pain, but it's not awful.
A bad act does not make me a bad person.
There is no law that says others must.
Just because I prefer X, does not mean that I must have X.

Tip: to make your rational answers more effective:

Be forceful in your answers.
Use strong language.
Provide as many reasons as you can to put the lie to your irrational beliefs.

"] Text[12]=["Healthy Negative Emotions","

Describe how you now feel about the situation.

Healthy negative emotions include the following:

Sadness
Annoyance
Concern
Regret
Disappointment

"] Text[13]=["Self-helping Behaviors","

Describe the new constructive behaviors that you will take in future.

Self-helping behaviors include the following:

Talking to strangers
Asking for what you want
Applying for a new job or a promotion
Tackling unpleasant tasks without needless delay
Exercising
Eating more healthily

"] //Begin Dibs Text[14]=["Illustrative Answer","I must have the love and approval of someone I care about."] Text[15]=["Illustrative Answer","There are several reasons why the belief that I must have the love and approval of someone I care about is innacurate:

There is no law of the universe that says I must have love and approval.

If I don't get love from this person, I could always get it from someone else.

It will be unfortunate if I don't get the love I want, but hardly fatal.

There is no reason why I must have anything that I want, including love and approval.

"] Text[16]=["Illustrative Answer","No. It is true that I'd prefer to be popular and adored, but there is no evidence that I must be loved or liked. Having others approve of me has its advantages, but it is by no means a necessity."] Text[17]=["Illustrative Answer","Not being loved has several disadvantages, none of which is fatal. These disadvantages include:

I will miss out on the companionship that a love affair brings.
Other people may look down on me for not having a lover.
I will have to attend social events alone.
I will have various disadvantages but I need not define any of them as awful or unbearable.

"] Text[18]=["Illustrative Answer","

If the person I care about doesn't return my love, I can seek out others who will love me.
I could devote more of my time to my hobbies and other enjoyable pursuits.
I can teach myself to enjoy life without a lover. Then if (and when) I do find a lover, I can be doubly happy.
I can practice unconditional self-acceptance and accept myself with or without a lover.

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